The Complexities of Adoption

Adoption is complex.  It simultaneously brings joy and grief.  Each adoptee has their own experience and opinion.  Their journeys are unique and I can only speak to my own, however over the next month, for adoption awareness I plan on sharing stories that shed light on all aspects of the adoption experience.  The good and the bad, the highs and the lows, the beautiful and the ugly.  Each Friday I hope to share my truth and my journey to healing.  My only hope is that I can be a support to others going through their own process.

6 thoughts on “The Complexities of Adoption”

  1. As an adoptive parent of a Korean orphan who has no interest whatsoever in finding her biological roots – I would just like to comment. I am VERY fortunate in this – however, I would love for her to know and enjoy some of the amazing wonders of her homeland.
    That being said – I understand other adoptees wanting to reach out and find their biological roots – BUT whatever culture they may come from – what about the adoptive parent’s rights. They have raised and loved, cherished and sacrificed for this child for many years through thick and thin. It is a part of them – like blood – are they now to be given a second place, while this child that has grown up and been given lifechanging opportunities decides it wants to find its roots?
    I’m sorry but I cannot go there. THAT is unfair.

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    1. Hi Gisela,
      Thank you for reaching out I appreciate conversations like this. I’m curious as to how old your daughter is and why you feel you would be put second?

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    2. I can appreciate your apprehension and fear. I suspect that you are afraid of being “replaced” by your daughter’s a biological family. As an adoptee, who has found both of my birth parents, I can assure you that these people who are responsible for my existence, will NEVER be my parents. While my adoption experience was less than happy, I can tell you that the parents who raised me are my true larents. You have to understand however, I believe it is my right to know my heritage, my medical history, and even who I look like. I wasn’t hatched, I have a history and everyone has a right to all of that information. It may be true that your daughter has no desire to that knowledge, please know that this desire, if she does has nothing whatsoever to do with the bond that your family enjoys.

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      1. This was a very reasonable and well thought out reply to my comment and feelings – thank you – and I do understand your want/need to connect with birth parents. Now that my daughter has children of her own I wish she would want to do it too – if only from the point of medical history and information. I also would love for her to go and enjoy and get to know her beautiful birth homeland ind its wondereful people.

        Thank you again for your insight and perspective.

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      2. I’m so glad that I was able to give you a different perspective. I agree with you about your daughter trying to obtain her medical history if nothing else than for peace of mind. I hated it when I went to a new doctor and not be able to answer the questions about medical history in my family. I wanted to add that it is just possible that your daughter is reluctant to tell you that she is wondering about these questions because she is afraid that she will hurt you or appear ungrateful for having such terrific parents. Even though my own adoption experience was not the best, I was always afraid to mention wanting to find my birth parents for fear of hurting my patents.

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      3. Dear Jane – Thank you for your input and I want you to know that I am VERY sad that your adoption was not all it should have been. We already had two boys of our own and had spent much time jobwise in the Far East and experienced first hand the plight of the children there that had no families. – especially little girls. Hence our wish to adopt. It is a meaningless gesture in the giant scheme of things – like picking up a grain of sand off the ocean floor – but it gave one child a family, love, a future and legitamacy in a troubled world. She is soooo very much the same as ‘blood’ to us.
        I understand what you are saying when you said that you were afraid to mention it to your parents, however that was never a problem for us, Kim and I talked about it many times as she grew up because I worked for Pan American and would have LOVED to take her to show her her homeland and the wonderful people there – even without serching for her parents. She always turned me down but went with me and the boys on many other trips around the world.
        Now she has two beautiful children of her own and a great husband and now she is seriously thinking about going and I encouage that every time it comes up in conversation.
        Once again thank you for your input Jane and I wish you all the very best.

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