So where was all that pain from the loss of my first mother, abandonment and relinquishment, hidden you ask?
I was in a state of denial and stayed in denial by numbing my feelings of emptiness, a lack of self-worth and pain. All of these things mentioned above were part of my numbing & coping mechanisms, all which were completely unhealthy for my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. From the time I was 16 up until I was 35 these were the tenants of my life. I tried to numb my loss and fill that emptiness, though of course it never could. As I kept running from the pain of loss, these coping mechanisms only served to further my feelings of guilt and shame and exacerbated my already non-existent self-worth.
I have a few stories where I probably should have ended up hospitalized or dead. By the grace of God, I did not and as a result, I can now relate and share my story in hopes of helping other adoptees that feel trapped, unheard, lost, empty etc.
To be continued… on the next post 😉
