An Adoptee’s Voice

Last year, I communicated my personal story and struggles, but this year I’d like to talk about what you as adoptive parents, relatives and friends need to be aware of before you decide to adopt.  And also, what may be going on inside your children’s head (adult adoptees included).  First we ALL need to recognize that adoption for an adoptee is a loss, period!  How they internalize/process that will be determined on a lot of factors. When you separate a mother from their child there is a loss/trauma. You as an adoptive parent, relative, friend, etc need to go in prepared to handle that loss/grief/trauma if and when it starts to surface. If you can not and will not be open to your children asking questions about their beginnings, natural mother, sharing thoughts of sadness, loneliness, not fitting in, etc then please, please DO NOT adopt!  If you have already adopted and your children are beginning to ask these questions please DO NOT tell them they only have one mother and that those feelings don’t matter. You are causing way more damage than harm. Please seek wise counsel immediately.  What I DO encourage all of you to do is to keep an open mind and heart when these questions come up.  Be OPEN and HONEST with your adopted child.  Trust me that good communication in this matter will be beneficial in the long run, even if it’s painful or uncomfortable for you in the present.  The healthiest thing you can do for your adopted child is point them to as many answers as possible when they come up and if you don’t have them then help them to find them! 

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